What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize