there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
