god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
