why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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