I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
