Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
