Will you blow on my dice?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
