If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
