hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
