I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
