HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
