I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i've created a new STD.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
