Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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