Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fuck appropriateness.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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