dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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