I wannas sexs uuuuu
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
