I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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