you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
