im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?