and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?