we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian