he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things