every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.