I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies