It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A bitchslap is in order.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
