I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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