in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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