I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
