I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
