I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
