i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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