so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
