If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
