A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
