Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
