we have officially lost it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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