One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
