If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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