ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
