You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
