I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
