Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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