he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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