Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
