I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
