My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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