go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
