Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
