Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
