I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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