If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
