I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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