Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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