Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
