also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
