I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
