How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
