It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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