____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
