my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
