the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
