I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
