Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my phone needs a breathalizer
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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