Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
