Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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